I have been in North Carolina since Christmas Day! I always loved visiting here but this was a very special visit.
I came to visit my aunt (grandma judy's sister) and family that I have not seen in eleven years!!! That is a really looonnnggg time. It has been such a wonderful visit. Everyday we have sit around the table and just talked all day long. Today was especially interesting to me because I was learning a lot about the women in my family I did not know. I knew the women before me had it rough but I never realized how rough they had it. It really helped me to see why all the women in my family are the way they are. I am not kidding when I say that all the women on my mom's side of the family (with one acception) were in abusive/bad/scary marriages or relationships. It was really hard to hear about some of the things that they went threw because it was stuff that you see on TV, it was the things that happen to other people, never you. Like I said before it made me realize why the women in my family are they way they are. As sad and heartbreaking it was to hear that my loved ones went through this, it is also wonderful to see how far they have come and what they have achieved. I feel so blessed to come from such an amazing group of women. I just hope one day I can become as beautiful and strong as they are!!!
After hearing all that I heard tonight, I made a promise to myself, and to them that I am going to break this trend of abuse in my family. For all the women before me that I have endured that pain emotinoally and physically, I am going to stand up for myself because they have taught me too.
I love my family, I would not give them up for the world. I am truly blessed and God is so wonderful, I am in awe of it all.
its all about love... jes
Saturday, December 27, 2008
Monday, December 8, 2008
I'm gonna make it!
ok, last full week of the semester. I am going to make it, I think.
I have a lot to do in the next couple of days, and If I make it through this I will be on the home stretch. Finals don't scare me, it is the week before finals that scares me. Turning in projects, working with classmates on group projects, getting caught up with everything that needs to be done. The Good news is there is a great reward at the end of it all! 1 month of no school!
After this semester I really have to buckle down, I have to start studying for my boards and looking for a job! YIKES! I have great confidence that both of these things, while they are going to control my entire life next semester, are going to turn out better than I can imagine!
wow, 1 more semester left of school. crazy ehh?
its all about love... jes
I have a lot to do in the next couple of days, and If I make it through this I will be on the home stretch. Finals don't scare me, it is the week before finals that scares me. Turning in projects, working with classmates on group projects, getting caught up with everything that needs to be done. The Good news is there is a great reward at the end of it all! 1 month of no school!
After this semester I really have to buckle down, I have to start studying for my boards and looking for a job! YIKES! I have great confidence that both of these things, while they are going to control my entire life next semester, are going to turn out better than I can imagine!
wow, 1 more semester left of school. crazy ehh?
its all about love... jes
Thursday, November 27, 2008
Thanksgiving...
Did you know that Thanksgiving is my FAVORITE holiday?
Well if you didn't know, now you do! Today was a good day. I had a lot of fun with my family and ate lots stuffing (one of my favorite foods by the way). I think one thing I did not do is reflect on how thankful I am. One of the things I am most thankful for is my family. My family really really really loves me. I got to surprise my brother when I came home on Friday. He didn't know that I was coming home, he didn't think the was going to see me until Christmas! But i showed up at the house and he was so happy and so surprised! He grabbed onto me and didn't want to let go. I love that kid more than anything in this world, I would do anything for him. Then on Sunday I went to see my Dad and Angie. My Dad really missed me this semester!!!!!! He told me that he had a rough time and he missed me a lot!!! That right there gosh I don't know how to describe the feeling, if you knew about my past you would understand more I think. Just know that it was a big deal to me! Today I saw my other Grandma (Dad's mom) and she was sooo happy to see me! She didn't know I was coming and when she hugged my dad she told him thank you for bringing her a surprise! I had a great talk with her about my major and what I do, I think she understand it a little bit better now. OH and my cousin (jeffery, who is 13) came running down the drive way to give me a hug! That was pretty awesome, it made me feel good. Things are different this time being at home. Maybe it is because I am graduating soon, but I just feel older and just not like a little kid anymore. After dinner at Grandma Betty's I went to Aunt Annettes! MY FAVORITE SIDE OF THE FAMILY i think. I love them so much, and they are such good scencere people, and I am not a blood relative of theirs, I am just a step child, but it has never been like that with them. They have loved me like i was their own from the moment I was born. I love my step mom, we have great conversations and she really supporst any decision I make. For some people, if anyone reads it, you might not understand or all this might not seem like a big deal that it is just how families are. Just know that all of this, for many reasons, is a big deal to me!!! This was the first thanksgiving without uncle Greg. My Aunt only cried once, and it was hard to see, I wasn't sure what to do. I knwo that he and I weren't super close but I miss him, and I was really sad to not see him there today. It was just so strange, I do miss him a lot.
Other than family I am thankful for my wonderful Friends. I have great friends that love me, and I dont know what I would do without them. I am also thankful for this year, it has been wonderful, amazing, filled with everything I would want in a senior year. I am thankful for my best friend. BOBE! who is my female soul mate and I love her to death. She understands me and that is what makes her so amazing, because I dont even have to say anything, and she just knows!!! Most of all what I am greatful for, is God, and what he has done in my life. It is amazing to be continually blessed by him, and I am so thankful for it.
I guess thats all for now.
its all about love... jes.
Well if you didn't know, now you do! Today was a good day. I had a lot of fun with my family and ate lots stuffing (one of my favorite foods by the way). I think one thing I did not do is reflect on how thankful I am. One of the things I am most thankful for is my family. My family really really really loves me. I got to surprise my brother when I came home on Friday. He didn't know that I was coming home, he didn't think the was going to see me until Christmas! But i showed up at the house and he was so happy and so surprised! He grabbed onto me and didn't want to let go. I love that kid more than anything in this world, I would do anything for him. Then on Sunday I went to see my Dad and Angie. My Dad really missed me this semester!!!!!! He told me that he had a rough time and he missed me a lot!!! That right there gosh I don't know how to describe the feeling, if you knew about my past you would understand more I think. Just know that it was a big deal to me! Today I saw my other Grandma (Dad's mom) and she was sooo happy to see me! She didn't know I was coming and when she hugged my dad she told him thank you for bringing her a surprise! I had a great talk with her about my major and what I do, I think she understand it a little bit better now. OH and my cousin (jeffery, who is 13) came running down the drive way to give me a hug! That was pretty awesome, it made me feel good. Things are different this time being at home. Maybe it is because I am graduating soon, but I just feel older and just not like a little kid anymore. After dinner at Grandma Betty's I went to Aunt Annettes! MY FAVORITE SIDE OF THE FAMILY i think. I love them so much, and they are such good scencere people, and I am not a blood relative of theirs, I am just a step child, but it has never been like that with them. They have loved me like i was their own from the moment I was born. I love my step mom, we have great conversations and she really supporst any decision I make. For some people, if anyone reads it, you might not understand or all this might not seem like a big deal that it is just how families are. Just know that all of this, for many reasons, is a big deal to me!!! This was the first thanksgiving without uncle Greg. My Aunt only cried once, and it was hard to see, I wasn't sure what to do. I knwo that he and I weren't super close but I miss him, and I was really sad to not see him there today. It was just so strange, I do miss him a lot.
Other than family I am thankful for my wonderful Friends. I have great friends that love me, and I dont know what I would do without them. I am also thankful for this year, it has been wonderful, amazing, filled with everything I would want in a senior year. I am thankful for my best friend. BOBE! who is my female soul mate and I love her to death. She understands me and that is what makes her so amazing, because I dont even have to say anything, and she just knows!!! Most of all what I am greatful for, is God, and what he has done in my life. It is amazing to be continually blessed by him, and I am so thankful for it.
I guess thats all for now.
its all about love... jes.
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Blessings...
I have been wanting to start a blog for awhile, but I never got around to it. Well tonight seemed like the perfect night, because I want to share with all of my friends some really awesome stuff that has been going on in my life.
This semester has been full of everything you can imagine. Friends, laughter, boys, heartbreak, love, school, stressing, family, but most of all God. I cannot remember a time in my life where I have been so blessed. I realize that God has been with me throughout my entire life but he has been so clear and so evident in my life the last four months and I could not be more thankful. He has been blessing me with more things that I could ever have dreamed. I have the best roommates a girl could ask for, the best friends in the world, and a family that loves and supports me (even if some of them still don't know what my major is!). When I say God has been evident in my life, I mean like slap you in the face I am right there next to you evident. My prayers have been answered when I do not deserve it, and God continues to bless me even though I continue to screw things up.
The one thing that I am most thankful for is this:
As many of you may know, I have lived with my grandma for the last six/seven years. We have been through many ups and downs, twists and turns and things just never seem to work out for my Grandma. For those of you know her, or have heard me talk about her, this woman deserves a whole lot. She is a district licensed pastor, 65 years old, going to school to get her bachelors degree in pastor ministry. She will not even finish school until she is 67. She is the associate pastor at my church, and gets paid 1 dollar a year. She has been working in a factory for the past 18 years, and has ever disease you could probably think of include west Nile virus. She has done everything in her power to help me become a better person, she has shown me Christ and has been praying for me everyday since the day i stepped into church. She is a prayer warrior that really makes things happen (ask one of my ex boyfriends about that one!). Well with all that being said she has suffered a lot, and without getting into details about her past, I am going to focus on the present. She has been going through Bankruptcy for the past year. When my grandfather died about 10 years ago he left her with a lot of debt that she could just not handle anymore. Through this bankruptcy she was only going to be allowed to keep her car and the house. Now let me tell you a little bit about this house, it did not have have walls until about 3 years ago, the sewage drains underneath the house, it is so small it barely fits the two of us, we have had to replace all of the floors and ceilings, and it still continues to fall apart around us. That does not seem like a house someone wants to live in, but it has been my home and hers for many many years. Well we found out the other day that we were going to lose the house, which seems like a really sucky thing. But because of God and how much he cares and loves us he turned it into a blessing. In about 3 weeks, my grandma and I are going to be moving into a much nicer, much better house. She is going to be paying less for this house and it is about 200x better than the one we are living in now!!!It is right next to my brothers school, even closer to my mom's house and has a big fenced in back yard for our dogs!!! it has 3 bedrooms and a basement....... it is absolutely perfect. When we went to see the house on Sunday we were scared we wouldn't get it just because of the amount of people looking into it. But we got the phone call this morning and they offered it to us!!!!!!! AND WE ARE MOVING OVER CHRISTMAS BREAK! I honestly could cry right now. I am so thankful and so happy for my grandma!!! I serve such an amazing God.
I could keep going on abut how much God has been there for me this semester but I will leave you with that last story!
.Prayer.
its all about love.... jes
This semester has been full of everything you can imagine. Friends, laughter, boys, heartbreak, love, school, stressing, family, but most of all God. I cannot remember a time in my life where I have been so blessed. I realize that God has been with me throughout my entire life but he has been so clear and so evident in my life the last four months and I could not be more thankful. He has been blessing me with more things that I could ever have dreamed. I have the best roommates a girl could ask for, the best friends in the world, and a family that loves and supports me (even if some of them still don't know what my major is!). When I say God has been evident in my life, I mean like slap you in the face I am right there next to you evident. My prayers have been answered when I do not deserve it, and God continues to bless me even though I continue to screw things up.
The one thing that I am most thankful for is this:
As many of you may know, I have lived with my grandma for the last six/seven years. We have been through many ups and downs, twists and turns and things just never seem to work out for my Grandma. For those of you know her, or have heard me talk about her, this woman deserves a whole lot. She is a district licensed pastor, 65 years old, going to school to get her bachelors degree in pastor ministry. She will not even finish school until she is 67. She is the associate pastor at my church, and gets paid 1 dollar a year. She has been working in a factory for the past 18 years, and has ever disease you could probably think of include west Nile virus. She has done everything in her power to help me become a better person, she has shown me Christ and has been praying for me everyday since the day i stepped into church. She is a prayer warrior that really makes things happen (ask one of my ex boyfriends about that one!). Well with all that being said she has suffered a lot, and without getting into details about her past, I am going to focus on the present. She has been going through Bankruptcy for the past year. When my grandfather died about 10 years ago he left her with a lot of debt that she could just not handle anymore. Through this bankruptcy she was only going to be allowed to keep her car and the house. Now let me tell you a little bit about this house, it did not have have walls until about 3 years ago, the sewage drains underneath the house, it is so small it barely fits the two of us, we have had to replace all of the floors and ceilings, and it still continues to fall apart around us. That does not seem like a house someone wants to live in, but it has been my home and hers for many many years. Well we found out the other day that we were going to lose the house, which seems like a really sucky thing. But because of God and how much he cares and loves us he turned it into a blessing. In about 3 weeks, my grandma and I are going to be moving into a much nicer, much better house. She is going to be paying less for this house and it is about 200x better than the one we are living in now!!!It is right next to my brothers school, even closer to my mom's house and has a big fenced in back yard for our dogs!!! it has 3 bedrooms and a basement....... it is absolutely perfect. When we went to see the house on Sunday we were scared we wouldn't get it just because of the amount of people looking into it. But we got the phone call this morning and they offered it to us!!!!!!! AND WE ARE MOVING OVER CHRISTMAS BREAK! I honestly could cry right now. I am so thankful and so happy for my grandma!!! I serve such an amazing God.
I could keep going on abut how much God has been there for me this semester but I will leave you with that last story!
.Prayer.
its all about love.... jes
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